Well, first of all I want to make it clear that there will be two of us writing on this... so two different story lines and stories! Twice the juice!
I am not sure where to start my story as Mrs. X. I am trying to omit any information that might link me to my true identity so let's just say I have been married for several years. I am married to the man of my dreams, but like all marriages there are chapters where things aren't so great and you long for something new.
I tend to be "that" person that everyone trusts and goes to talk to and tell all their secrets too. I do not judge a soul and never think differently of anyone for their crazy actions and I think that is why people trust me. I am so full of secrets of all my friends, co-workers and family! I know every one's darkest secrets! but what happens when "that" person has secrets of their own? Who am I supposed to tell my problems and secrets to? I do not trust anyone! I have one person on this planet I can tell anything to and she is my partner in crime on this blog. So you will be my secret friends.
So my story begins...
I once had an abusive boyfriend. Due to his abuse of every kind I have no self-esteem. I have struggled with it since and my husband has tried very hard to help me build it up. In the long run it's really all up to me to have one, but ladies, you all know it's not that easy. I have tried to explain to my husband that I need him to look at me like I am the most beautiful thing in the world, I need him to want me like I am irresistible. After being married for so long those things kind of disappear. I know he loves me and finds me attractive, but the newness is gone!
Now I am not stupid and I know that I can turn some heads, but ultimately there is only one head that I want to turn and that is my husbands. But I feel like I don't do it for him anymore. I feel like I am the only one instigating sex and any romantic gesture. It gets old and you can only try so many things before you get bored. I have slept with several people in my life time and I have never felt like my husband looks at me like some other guys did during sex almost like i was a prize for them. I am not quite sure how to describe it, but I think you get the idea. I know he has used other methods to get his "jollys" off occasionally and that doesn't help my self esteem. So I am a little on the paranoid side. But at the same time I am bored and in need of something refreshing too. I dont want to cheat and I am sure it wont ever happen whether it be with a computer or a human being.
SO this is where my saga begins!
So I work for a company which we will call the company. There is this guy I work with, who is in a different department and we have minimal amounts of work related interactions. I have always found him attractive, but where I was satisfied with my sex life I don't think I ever looked at him as a "prize". That is until one day we were in a conference meeting and looked in his direction and automatically became red in the face because I realized I was VERY attracted to him! His beautiful green eyes were glowing, I swear! I honestly think they were honing in on me trying to hypnotize me! I instantaneously felt like he knew my exact thoughts at the moment and I was embarrassed. Of course that was impossible, but still...
Shortly after this light bulb went off I began to notice that the interactions we did have where more than professional interactions. I realized he was digging me too. I don't know if I was completely oblivious before or if he suddenly had a light bulb go off too. I dont want to sound conceded, but I get hit on quite often and I have learned to tune it out, especially if it's from someone I am NOT interested in! But was I really this naive to not realize he was hitting on me the entire several years I had been with the company? What a let down on his part if that was the case! How sad, I hadn't been playing his games for years! Well, once I realized all this I decided to LET THE GAMES BEGIN! What harm can come from playing "games" with a married man who has kids?
Saturday, January 31, 2009
I started this blog because as a married woman I have lots of secrets and thoughts and fantasies that I can't necessarily post on my actual blog for all my friends and family to see. Let's be honest... we all have something to hide and I need to be able to vent and have people to talk to about it! Please feel free to share any thoughts and secrets! I have set the settings so you may post anonymously so you too can be safe from judgemental friends and family.